Poet Robert Frost once authored that, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired,” for which I, personally, do not believe to be true.
Hear me out..
Frost’ claim, I find to be extremely accurate; but attaching that claim to the definition of love is what I disagree with.
I do believe that a majority of individuals possess the desire to be desired, and as a result, that is why they want love. Having said that, that is not what love is. An individual cannot love for the sole purpose of being loved back.
Now, I am not — at all — claiming to be some guru on the matter, because I have experienced my share of failed relationships and heartbreak. But what I do know is that the emotion of love should always be genuine. Never forced. And I believe that when an individual loves another individual for the purpose of being loved back, they’re forcing it.
Love should never be difficult. The only aspect of love that should be hard is mustering the courage to love. But carrying it out, that’s easy. In my own experience, I have loved because I wanted to. Not because I needed to be loved back. That is what legitimates the whole thing. Two individuals feeling, because. Just because. Though what often ruins the experience is our idea of what love is. What we think it’s “supposed to be.”
We all — people, at least most of us — have this idea of what love entails, no matter how farfetched the notions. It was H.L. Mencken who said that, “Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” Often times we let our imaginations run turbulently with thoughts of what our relationships are supposed to be. And that is dangerous.
When one begins to place expectations on a relationship, simultaneously, they insert strain as well. Expectations become unrealistic, though we may not realize — until it’s too late — because intelligence has succumbed to imagination. It’s a fine line, which leads to heartbreak if not strolled appropriately.
Where I observe this most is with our youth, and the whole I want a relationship like.. phenomenon. A celebrity takes a picture with their beau in a parking lot, and suddenly all of Generation Y wants that relationship because of it. Shut up.
Maybe it’s just me, or maybe I’m old-fashioned, but you can’t look at other relationships and idolize that. Never judge a book by its cover, because you have yet to learn what lies within its pages. Aspiring to emulate your relationship after another, or your love based off others, ties into that whole loving for the wrong reasons thing. And in a sense, it’s lust.
When you lust for love, you love for the wrong reasons. The two emotions are night and day. “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.” Shakespeare said that. And I believe that anytime you confuse love and lust, you will smell that fume.
Happy Valentine’s Day.